Hi! I'm Erin Lassere. I am an Area III eventer. I have been diagnosed with an auto-immune disease called Ulcerative Colitis, as well as chronic anxiety. I have been toying with the notion of starting a blog, and I am so excited that I am finally in a place to take the plunge. I want to use this platform to document my experiences struggling with both a physical and mental condition, while, somewhat ironically, competing in a physically and mentally demanding sport. Today, I will give some background information on myself. When I was first diagnosed with UC in the fall of 2018, I was both shocked and a little scared. I, however, was not scared of the physical pain, doctor's visits, sick days, etc. that would come in the future; I was, naturally, scared of how I would continue to ride and compete. The next Spring season, my competition outings were quite sparse. I think I may have shown two or three times. Each of these times were relatively unsuccessful. I was, at the time, riding a green mare I lovingly named "Palladium", or Athena. She is a lovely horse, but required a consistent schedule. I, being as sick as I was, could not give that to her. I had always been an extremely confident rider, and was sure of my own abilities. However, I watched as my record became dotted with letters, my friends moved up the levels, and sure enough, my own confidence tanked. In the summer of 2019, I slowly began to recover from the worst of my UC symptoms, after a course of prednisone. The scars that UC left behind were not just physical; they were mental. I lost all confidence in my riding abilities. Even so much as walking out to the barn gave me extreme anxiety, and riding went from a refuge to something I wanted to escape. I pushed through because I was too hard on myself not to, but quitting was constantly in the back of my mind. Around this time, I began riding with my current coach, Zachary Brandt. Through his guidance, my riding abilities strengthened and I started to form a true partnership with Athena. My record began to show my efforts, and I competed in my first Training Level successfully (minus the jump I missed on Cross Country, of course). However, better results did not mean a better mental outlook. The saddle, and especially competitions, gave me anxiety to the point of throwing up most show mornings. A new year and a new horse later, I am still going strong. My anxiety is horrible, but it is manageable. I am learning to cope, and starting to truly enjoy the process. In this blog, I will document this process as I embark on my journey of loving riding and eventing again.
2 Comments
Bronwyn Holtzclaw
1/22/2021 06:16:45 pm
Looking forward to more blogs!
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Jennifer
1/28/2021 11:12:31 pm
I can completely relate to anxiety to the point of barfing!! It's challenging to find the balance between pushing oneself past your comfort zone and when to give yourself a break and back off. Taking it one day or even moment at a time has helped me. Best of luck to you.
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AuthorErin Lassere Archives
March 2021
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